The Other Side of Romance: Part One of Three

Resisting Arrest by *JRinaldi on deviantART

Last week, Hearthstone Tavern discussed romance in RP. The Physicians Log and WoW.com had articles on how to discuss “intimate moments in RP.”  All of these discussions have good, solid ideas on how to use Romance in RP or Fic writing.  However, there is far more to romance than “intimate encouters,” especically if said romance is an attempt for a long term relationship between two characters.  No matter how much two characters may care about each other, sometimes, the romance hits a bumpy road.  To be more clear, sometimes couples fight.  On occassion, these small, vaguely comedic arguements become knock down, drag out fights.  While some may want to avoid conflict in game, these arguements between two romantically involved characters are a brilliant opportunity for RP.

First, a clarification:  An arguement between two PLAYERS is not the same as an arguement between two CHARACTERS.  Disputes between players need to be settled outside of game.  Takingn a dispute between two players into the RP is a sure fire way to cause discord in the RP group.  It is important to remember this boundary while discussing character arguments.

A second clarification:  An argument has three parts.  There are the precursors (what come before), the actual argument and “the aftermath.”   Today, we’re going to touch on  the basic rule of How to Include an Argument in RP and the precursors, those factors that can lead to an argument.

No matter how much two characters may care for each other, they will come to a disagreement about something:  Child care, politics, other family members, money or even the best way to kill a dragon.  Given that these disputes are unavoidable, it makes sense that they will occur in RP.  Not every player wants to include this aspect of a relationship in their story. This is also understandable:  WoW is an escape or stress relief from daily life, so why would someone WANT to argue in game?  That is not the way to look at incharacter disputes.  The characters may not want to argue, but their stories have reached a point of conflict.  While not all conflicts need to be resolved with a fight (be it physical or verbal), sometimes a character’s story demands it. A good arguement sets characters off on a route that a player never suspected.  It is not necessarily a question of WANT, but a question of story progression.  In short, we either allow the story to flow naturally, or we modify the characters enough (metagame) to allow the story to continue down a certain route.

The metagaming solution is a post for a different thursday.  Today, let’s look at how to have a good arguement between romantically involved characters.

The basic rule for including arguments into RP is, once again, communication.  The players need to know what is going on, why the characters are fighting and what the overall story is. It should not be a huge surprise to the other player that there is conflict.  If there is surprise, take it to your Out Of Character Channel or to Whispers immediately.  As important as RP is to you, the relationship with your friends in game always takes priority.

In my experiences both personal and professional, arguements have a number of different factors including:  Personality conflict, behavioral conflict, misunderstandings, who was wronged by whom and projection. There maybe more factors, or one may have different defintions for factors (if you do, share them in the comments!). Furthermore, really rough arguements involve more than one factor. All of these factors can come into game, so they warrant further explanation:

Personality Conflicts are those conflicts that stem from fundamental differences in the way one internally processes specific events. For instance, let’s say a customer is exceptionally rude to you while you are working. How one handle this–calmly and directly, or grabbing your supervisor–is an example of how one’s personality addresses conflict. Examples of this also include, “oh you have an attitude today” or “You’re always so damn calm and professional and I hate it!” Two people who experience the same event will walk away with two completely different understandings of what occured. Two characters in a relationship may, or may not, be aware of these differences in personality. An arguement may be the best way to set up a story that explores these differences

Behavioral Conflict this is a fairly clinical way of saying, “the things that piss the other off.” Examples include: The way the toothpaste is squeezed, how the bed is made, driving habits, never calling home when working late…etc, etc. More often than not (in my experience) these conflicts mask other differences, usually Personality or Projection. However, when relationships are new, these behaviors can lead to arguements. There is one particular behavior, often accompained by a Personality Conflict, that requires special attention: Lying.

Lying, or more specifically, being CAUGHT in a lie will lead to an arguement of some kind.

Misunderstandings this factor includes everything from not hearing/reading every word stated by a character. This factor can also be defined as: “You said this, then you did that, and now you are saying you meant this other thing.” Misunderstandings start small and have the potential to end dramatically.

Who Wronged Whom this is a factor that encompasses those arguements that stem either from previously unresolved conflicts or from one’s need to be right. While this particular factor could proabably be folded into Personality Conflicts, given the frequency in which these kinds or arguments appear to occur (again from my personal and professional experience), they deserve their own catagory. While it appears that there is only one way to solve this particular factor (ie Someone admits to being wrongn and apologizes) in fact, if the arguement can spur interesting character development if both parties are willing to slog it out.

Projection is the factor that is easily described yet hard to understand. When you’re mad at your boss and you take it out on your underlings/clients/family? That is typically projection. When your character is upset over another character’s betrayal (and your character’s entire personality revolves around an early betrayal), that, dear readers, is projection. Projection is a fairly common kick start to larger, more complicated arguements or discussions.

Any one of these factors, or combination of factor, can lead to  an argument.  Players should understand some, but certainly not all, of their character’s factors before they begin the argument.  There is no need for players to limit their knowledge of the factors, as during the RP, a character can (and probably will) surprise you, even after years of play.

For example:  Even after hundreds of hours of playing Bricu, and having a fairly solid understanding of him as a character, he never fails to surprise me during an argument with Threnn.  In their most recent…disagreement…Bricu’s anger at another character (Tarquin) was a complicated issue.  The argument with Threnn helped clarify who Bricu was really angry at (two other characters; however, he knows he needs to clear the air with Tarq about two other things) and how to resolve it.  It also showed how much he has changed from the initial days of “drunken bastardry.”  Bricu actually cared about other people than himself, and was unwilling to betray other’s feelings for the sake of getting out of the hot seat.

Folks, arguments happen between the best of friends, whether or not they are romantically linked.  POne does not need to avoid arguments in romance.  Romance can complicate an argument, but arguments complete the romance.  Arguments help define and refresh the romance, allowing for characters to continue to develop.  Just as a good romance can help define a character, so can a good argument help define the romance.

Questions, comments vague misgivings?  Share them with us!

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